Comic Relief, Writer’s Block, and Aproposity

I realized that many of my most recent posts have been sort of serious, and I don’t want anyone to get the wrong impression of me: I take nothing seriously. Just kidding, I take a lot of things seriously, but I’m not serious all the time–seriously.

Anyway, because I feel like I have been in a chain cycle of spending the night at someone’s house and then waking up and going to work, I have very little about which I can write. I could write volumes about H.E.B. and the typical slumber party rituals of eighteen and nineteen year old guys, but I try to keep things interesting here.

So, because I heard that the Concealed Weapons bill was not passed, I thought I could kill two birds with one copy&paste. I will have more to write about after tomorrow, because I will essentially be working from 7:30 to 10:00 at night. I could also write about the delish dinner I had at Dough, but I will abstain from lingering on their odd mix of local and extremely un-local food.

This is an article that I wrote for the Travesty at UT. I sent it in a little too late, and the editor responded that it was good, but they had already picked an article that covers the same topic. Nonetheless, I liked it and so did he; and, since the Concealed Weapons bill has not passed, it is now officially time to make fun of the ludicrous nature of Texans’ obsession with the right to have guns, whether we use them or not. Also, it obscures my writer’s block so no one will know I can’t write anything original right now.

More Students Get Gun Licenses To Protect Themselves From Students Who Have Gun Licenses To Protect Them From People With Guns

In what can only be described as a ridiculous Russian-doll situation, students are buying gun licenses and guns in order to protect themselves from students who obtained gun licenses in order to protect themselves from people who might bring guns onto campus.

“I don’t know who’s going to have the gun,” says senior William McClerk, “but I’m going to have my gun. So if he tries to shoot anyone, I’ll shoot him first.”

Another student standing next to McClerk says that he is uneasy about students with concealed weapons. “That guy you just talked to? The one who said he has a gun? I don’t trust him. If he pulls out his gun I’m going to shoot him before he starts shooting people.”

Two students near the second student said “Don’t tell anyone—but we have guns with us right now. We don’t trust anyone out here. If someone pulls out a gun I’m going to shoot him.”

“Honestly? I think someone is going to snap soon,” said one paranoid looking student. “And when they do I’ll shoot them.”

Local gun stores have begun setting up kiosks that offer on-site license grants, extra ammunition, and firearms. Business is booming and lines are long as students fear they will be the only one without guns.

“We’re trying to get some sort of vending machine sytem set up” says Buck McGavin, owner of Texas Guns and Weapons. “We just want people to be safe and have guns.”

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Comic Relief, Writer’s Block, and Aproposity

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