30 Seconds or Less: A Sneak Peek

When I got the email from gofobo.com, I immediately checked to see how many free movie passes I could print, and when I saw it was two, then I knew I would go. Not because I dislike going to movies alone, on the contrary in fact, but I knew someone who dearly wanted to see 30 Seconds or Less. My brother and I are both Aziz Ansari fans, but I knew Jesse Eisenberg would ruin the movie for me. I am convinced that Jesse Eisenberg is beyond type-cast, he is character-cast. The only character he can ever portray well is Mark Zuckerberg, and so unless they do a “Social Network II,” Eisenberg should never act again. All of this is of course my opinion, but then again, my opinion in regards to yours is better, because I’ve seen the movie.

That’s right, I saw 30 Seconds or Less. Oh, what? It’s not that good of a movie and you don’t really care that I saw it eleven days before it is officially released in theaters? I can hear the jealousy slipping out of your voice.

Long story short: I got two free movie passes to see 30 Seconds or Less at the Silverado Theater at Bandera and 1604 and I took my brother because I knew he really wanted to see it. I know that receiving movie screening passes isn’t unheard of, but I hadn’t taken advantage of any until this point, and it almost didn’t work out. I could bore you with details about how me and Dan were the first two people after the final cutoff, or how everyone behind us left, and everyone in front of went into the theater. I could rattle on about how Dan and me stood there debating whether or not we should see a different movie, or I could tell you about the serendipitous occasion when the manager told us to stick around so that we could be given passes for the next event. I could even tell you that when she returned, she instead told us that there were two last seats left in the theater and they had miscounted, and how our good fortune was simply a matter of blessing and luck (a fact I pointed out to my brother when later debating the benefits of being passive). But I won’t waste your time.

I will tell you  my thoughts on the movie though, because I, like every American, fancy myself a movie critic. I knew I wouldn’t love it, and I wouldn’t have watched it if I had had to pay for a ticket. I don’t like Nick Swardson’s comedy, and Mcbride often comes off as too obscene for me, but you could say the same thing for Aziz, but for some reason I like him. Even Aziz was overplayed though, too much of a good thing I guess. The whole movie was just another feeble attempt to replace the immortal “Anchorman.” I know it’s bold to say, but I think that every comedy based on funny, random one-liners, nascent comedians, and lots of cussing and shouting is meekly attempting to replicate the success of Anchorman. I can’t think of any movie that’s quotes and script are so often regurgitated in everyday life. “Milk was a bad choice,” “No touching of the hair or face,” “I don’t speak Spanish,”–the list goes on forever. Like “Stepbrothers” or “Pineapple Express,” 30 Seconds or Less was just another attempt, although not a noteworthy one.

The movie had some funny lines, mostly by Aziz, and a few sprinkled in by a random Mexican assassin and McBride. The script and plot were thin of course, and the end of the movie was abrupt and inconclusive, but it was just a comedy. It wasn’t reliant on raunch like “The Hangover,” but there was an oddly graphic scene in a strip club. I saw tiny, tiny kids in the movie, and there was a lot of cussing. Aziz is funny, but overplayed. Eisenberg is an incapable actor. Mcbride is obscene and raunchy, but plays his character well. Swardson is semi-gay as all his characters seem to be, and the sycophant as usual, but his character has a little depth. Overall it was a funny summer movie, and I’m glad I got to see it for free with my brother, but I wouldn’t recommend watching it.

30 Seconds or Less: A Sneak Peek

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