Did I try to think of a witty title? Yes.
Did I think any title that didn’t involve the words “Happy Birthday to Me” was in danger of not immediately notifying readers that August 24th is my birthday? Yes.
Was I really born EXACTLY nineteen years ago? Yes.
Did I ever think I would make it to nineteen? Yes, nineteen I thought I could manage.
Is UT celebrating my birthday by throwing me a “first day of school” party? You betcha! And 50,000 students are coming
Did I plan on my parents coming to visit me and bring my brother, a cake, and maybe a present? Yes.
Did I also forget multiple college essentials because I knew my parents could just bring them on my birthday? Ask my bike, deoderant, bed risers, and utensils!
I’m eating something normal for my dinner, right, not weird? Not, Ethiopian? Nope.
Wait, so you’re eating Ethiopian food? Yes.
Didn’t you want to eat at Mother’s Cafe, an Austin famous vegetarian, organic restaurant that’s reasonably priced and conveniently located? Yes, but making my family happy is a gift I give myself.
What other gifts are you giving to yourself on your birthday? I plan on hottubbing and buying adult diapers so I can finally stop wasting time on the toilet.
How different do you feel from last year, considering last year you were just starting your first year of college? So, so different. Happier, smarter, more passionate, funnier, taller, shorter, more boring, more bland, dumber, and happier.
Are you going to use your birthday as an ice breaker tomorrow for the first day of class? Yep! I am a shameless slut for friendship.
What’s one thing you’ve learned in the last year, summed up into a catchy phrase? To be irreplaceable, you must be different.
Mark, that’s dumb. F U
HAPPY BIRTHDAY, ME. THANKS, ME.