Fantasy Football Playoffs

I’ve limped pathetically into Fantasy Playoffs, but my performance in the beginning and middle of the season secured me the #5 seed in our seven-man playoff bracket. During the beginning of the season my team was firing on all cylinders, but then Bradshaw, Best, and Gore all got hurt. I thought that none of the injuries were serious enough to prevent them from playing well, so I hesitated to trade my wounded players away for healthy–but less talented–players.

So, I kept a pack of wounded dogs on my bench and started scrubs for close to three weeks, and subsequently lost four straight games. Suck Fest.

Hopefully Bradshaw is back this week; Gore has already returned and been great, and I traded away Cam Newton awhile ago so I could shore up my line-up.

If I get Bradshaw back for this game, I’ll have one of the best teams in the league, and if Best ever finds his way back from his concussion, I will have the best team in the League without a doubt. However, at this point I can confidently say I am in the top-three, but my playoff-bracket path is not easy.

This first week I play Trip, against whom I have a good chance because the poor man just has terrible luck. His quarterbacks are injured (Vick) or playing the Steelers (Dalton). He finally gets Andre Johnson back, and then the Texans lose two quarterbacks in a row. His tight ends are top quality (Gronkowski and Gates), and his running backs are impressive (Blount and Turner), but he is not near his full potential. Hopefully I play him and dispatch him.

The following week would bring Matt White, who has the only “bye-wee” in our playoff bracket.

My lineup at this point is:

QB: Tom Brady

QB: Mark Sanchez

RB: Frank Gore

RB: Ahmad Bradshaw (backup = James Starks)

RB: Maurice Morris (please come back, Jahvid!)

WR: Marques Colston

WR: Greg Jennings

WR/TE: Vernon Davis

TE: Aaron Hernandez

D: Ravens

D: Texans

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Fantasy Football Playoffs

Happy Thanksgiving and Hook Them

Happy Thanksgiving!

Sorry my wish is late, but I’ve been Occupying College Station for the last few days.

I got a ride to AggieLand Wednesday afternoon and met up with my brother and his girlfriend at his place.

After, I met up with my friends Daphnee and Jessica, who were throwing a Thanksgiving party.

After Yell Practice of course.

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The next day I went for a long walk through campus to get a feel for the mood of the game.

Did you know the Aggies apparently hate UT?

Why, you ask? Good question. I don’t really think they could answer you.

Because we sip tea? I don’t sip tea.

Here’s the front page of their student newspaper.

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Why do Aggies live?

Apparently:

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A school based on hatred?

I WANT MY KIDS TO GO TO THAT SCHOOL SO THEY CAN HATE KIDS WHO GO TO SCHOOL AT UT TOO

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On Thanksgiving, I spent most of the day with my old friends from San Antonio who had traveled up to the game.

At the game I sat with my brother, his friends, and his girlfriend.

All the while repping my hooked horns peacefully.

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Hopefully you saw the game because this isn’t a sports blog.

Long story short: UT won the last-ever rivalry between these two teams.

Nbd.

Just the last game ever.

Oh and the overall record is like 76-37-5.

Nbd.

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Goodbye to Texas University.

It’s been real.

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It’s about friends! Not rivalries.

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Happy Thanksgiving and Hook Them

Turkleyless Interlude

This video makes me think of the Chik Fil-A ads where the cows talk about eating chicken instead of beef.

This is a Thanksgiving video about side-dishes.

If the video were completely analagous to the Chik Fil-A ads, then it would be these two humans preparing a turkey as an alternative to eating human flesh.

It’s not completely analagous, but there’s meaning here if you look in the right places!

Also: (two days of school left till the Break)

Oh ya, the video

Turkleyless Interlude

Le Cordon Bleu

This morning some of my friends accompanied me to a meeting I had with a representative from Le Cordon Bleu Culinary School here in Austin.

I had contacted some cooking schools in the area for “more information,” and three of them called me very quickly.

(I don’t mention it because I’m at all important, but just that I really appreciated how eager they were to talk to me).

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The representative from Le Cordon Bleu invited me to check out their Thanksgiving Day cooking exhibition, and he promised to talk to me about details like tuition and classes.

First things first, though: how to properly cook a turkey for Thanksgiving.

There were three seminars, but me and friends only watched one. I only watched a part of one, actually, because I ducked out to go speak with the representative with whom I had been talking, Ben.

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Apparently, a professional chef would never cook a turkey whole.

Scandalous.

He says that the turkeys are too uneven in thickness and heat reception, and so cooking them whole leaves certain parts, like the turkey breast, dry and tastless because they’re overcooked simply because of their location on the bird.

So, he showed us how to dissasemble a turkey and to create a tasty brine.

Apparently, the finished product was delish.

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This is what the place looked like inside.

There are seven kitchens, and the whole thing looks very “modern.” In fact, it reminds me of my home Methodist church, UUMC.

Is it a good or bad sign that cooking school makes me think of church?

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These are what the classrooms look like.

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This is the room where I had to wait for like twenty minutes.

NOT COOL.

The meeting more than made up for it, though.

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Le Cordon Bleu

Cliff the College Apologist

Cliff is a traveling Christian apologist who goes from college campus to college campus welcoming debate over theological questions.

He stands out in a public area for five days in a row, from noon till four, and welcomes people to ask him questions that he attempts, usually successfully to answer.

These questions, naturally, turn into debates.

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From what I’ve seen and heard, Cliff manages to keep things very civil between him and the person who debates with him, but I could imagine sometimes the debates probably get pretty unruly.

Only one person is allowed to debate with him at a time, and so it takes a lot of courage to stand and ask him a question. I give kudos to skeptics who have the courage and conviction to think they can prove him wrong, but from what I’ve seen, he never is proved “wrong.”

Certain issues cannot really be resolved in a sense, and so those issues are just left hanging at the end of possible debate, but I’ve never seen Cliff been overturned.

In fact, I would want to think of a very unique question for Cliff if I ever asked, because I’m sure he’s heard just about everything.

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This is his strategy as best as I can tell:

Make the other person realize that morality cannot be relative.

That morality is given from God who is the ultimate good.

That God therefore exists.

And Jesus is the most good, compassionate, believable, form of God that has ever been realized.

Cliff believes in Jesus because of His teachings, and he invites you to do so as well.

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I watched him with two of my Catholic friends with me, both of whom are very well-versed in Catholic theology.

They agreed with everything Cliff said.

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Cliff the College Apologist

More Pizza for Everyone! (Because Now It’s a Vegetable)

Congress has decided, with the help of the sagacious U.S.D.A. of course, that pizza will now be treated as a vegetable for school lunches. The story will be under this paragraph, but in short their reasoning is as such: 1/2 cup of tomato (prepared in any way) in any dish means that it counts as a vegetable, and–unsurprisingly–yes, an entire pizza does have at least 1/2 cup of tomato sauce on it. School lunches typically have to have something like one protein, one starch, and two vegetables available for every meal. Now kids will love their vegetables! Especially vegetables like Hawaiian pizza vegetable, sausage pizza vegetable, and cheese vegetable pizza. It’s no surprise that school lunches are now cited as “a risk factor for obesity.”

Maybe more people should be vegans? Because apparently, now it’s the cool thing to do. Don’t you want to be like Bill Clinton?

On Tuesday, Congress decided that pizza is a vegetable. I have to imagine that this news instilled confusion in many Americans, as many Americans are (a) familiar with pizza, (b) familiar with vegetables and (c) sane.

But, to provide specifics that will in no way dispel your lingering thoughts that we are governed by morons but at least allow you some anthropological insight into how a group of morons who have been given permission to sit in a fancy room in Washington, D.C., and grunt at each other actually think, here is their thinking: Pizza is a vegetable for the purposes of determining what goes into public school lunches by virtue of the fact that pizza traditionally includes a schmear of tomato paste. (Botanically speaking, tomatoes are actually fruit, but we’re going to have to just let that slide.)

At any rate, you may still be wondering how it came to pass that Congress arrived at the conclusion that pizza could count as a serving of vegetables. Wonder no more! Congress was guided along this path by lobbyists. And lobbyists can do all sorts of things, by magic! (Except provide nutritious lunches for children.)

From the Associated Press:

The final version of a spending bill released late Monday would unravel school lunch standards the Agriculture Department proposed earlier this year. These include limiting the use of potatoes on the lunch line, putting new restrictions on sodium and boosting the use of whole grains. The legislation would block or delay all of those efforts.The bill also would allow tomato paste on pizzas to be counted as a vegetable, as it is now. USDA had wanted to only count a half-cup of tomato paste or more as a vegetable, and a serving of pizza has less than that.

Nutritionists say the whole effort is reminiscent of the Reagan administration’s much-ridiculed attempt 30 years ago to classify ketchup as a vegetable to cut costs. This time around, food companies that produce frozen pizzas for schools, the salt industry and potato growers requested the changes and lobbied Congress.

“School meals that are subsidized by the federal government must include a certain amount of vegetables,” the AP reports, “and USDA’s proposal could have pushed pizza-makers and potato growers out of the school lunch business.” It would have pushed vegetable growers into the business, but their lobbyists aren’t as powerful, it seems.

In addition to this, the move to classify pizza as a vegetable gained traction because of popular, reality-transforming political philosophies on the role of government.

Piling on to the companies’ opposition, some conservatives argue that the federal government shouldn’t tell children what to eat. In a summary of the bill, Republicans on the House Appropriations Committee said the changes would “prevent overly burdensome and costly regulations and … provide greater flexibility for local school districts to improve the nutritional quality of meals.”

This sort of makes it sound like local school districts would be serving heirloom tomatoes and quinoa if the federal government just got out of the way. At any rate, I’d recommend that you remember this the next time you hear someone say that the government should get out of the business of “picking winners and losers.” (Winner: salt! Loser: fighting obesity!)

Here’s a fun fact! If a child incorrectly identifies “pizza” as a “vegetable” on a standardized test, there’s an entirely different group of lobbyists who will argue that public school teachers have failed America’s children.

Vegetables!

More Pizza for Everyone! (Because Now It’s a Vegetable)